When my invitation to enter my work, my Tribe of Truth is met with silence..I sometimes doubt.
Questions creep into my brain: "Is it my fate to be the hag? The mystic shrouded in leaves? Deep in the forest, practicing alchemy, speaking of such truth that only few are willing to become intimate with and only visited when medicine is needed for love, life, death or rebirth?"
Here I am, feeling unseen on and off. Sometimes misunderstood by others, sometimes misunderstood by myself. In no way is this blog about a feeling of entitlement, or a victimization of myself or my work or a call to you to move before you are being moved or hear the call. It is a sharing of my most inner-thoughts and doubts and my desire to share the energy that comes through me.
People often approach me saying: "I don't know why I feel drawn to you. But I feel in my spirit you have something deep to share with me. And it scares me."
They often feel the fire burning in the ground beneath them. Something that is ready to be liberated, alchemized and rise.
Although I do not call for the masses to run over my house like a stampede, I do wonder if sometimes I shine too bright for others to see me, If I bring too much truth to the table for them to come sit with me, If they are afraid of being confronted with what they hide from (be it their light or their darkness)? If I am talking a language that speaks to such a deep part of us, it is daunting to approach these messages or energy any closer?
Truth is, I can't and will not tone down my too much-ness. I won't deprive myself and others from being less than me.
I am not about positive thinking. I don't provide the 10 rules to be happy. I don't have life hacks. Or a quick way from A to B if that is not in your highest good. I refuse to damage, shame or guiltrip you even further by saying you are not thinking the 'right thoughts'.
I am about truth. I am about wholeness. I am about meeting you where you are at. About you feeling so seen, you no longer feel the need to hide from the world, but most importantly no longer feel the need to hide from yourself.
Those that have walked through the fire of fear and the unknown and did in fact dare to enter the void with me, have been changed, held, re-wilded, liberated, felt deep acceptance for parts that they denied within themselves before and have opened new paths and portals for themselves to move, rise and share through.
I will call your BS when I see it. I will make you uncomfortable. I will hold you deeply. I do see who you are, along with all the scars, the pain, the doubts, the magic and the marvel.
I see you. Raw. Truly. And I won't sugarcoat it. I can't for that would be a disservice to you and myself.
And that might be the reason, I have to accept and practice patience in the work I do. Entering this space requires saying yes to the unknown. The work starts long before we meet and your 'yes' to me is an initiation to yourself.
I am not for everyone. And that is hard sometimes. Not everyone can connect to what it is I'm doing. And I don't want everyone. Although I have so much to share..only YOU know when you are ready and feel called.
I can only offer my invitation to you. To walk through the fire, dive in the deep, fly through the storm or dig through the dirt and come sit with me.