If you could look into my mind, you'd know I experience doubt, uncertainty and unworthiness about my work from time to time.
I just watched a dear sister sharing her remote energy-healing on YouTube. Something she felt very vulnerable about. As this is something no one taught her (in this life) and she needs to do her best to keep her ego out of the way. But the recipient FEELS it. And it is time for the reveal of what we forgot is part of our humanity.
Healing, being a channel for energy and reading peoples energy is amazing. And very hard on my mind sometimes.
Most of what I do is more of an emergence, than something I was taught. And that fucks with my logical mind.
Often, there is an initial non-sensicalness in what comes through. What I see, hear, feel is hard to digest for the logic mind. As I tune into other peoples energy a stream of information comes through that is sometimes shared in writing, in word, in ancient song or sounds (in a lost language that I can only feel, not understand) and in energy through my hands to their energy-field.
Presence with the uncomfortableness of the unknown
We are conditioned to not be present with the current moment. The current energy. The non explainable at first.
And because we can't be with that first uncomfortableness of the unknown, we (consciously or unconsciously) reject what wants to be felt, seen, accepted, healed, loved within us.
This goes for the one receiving support on their path, as well as the soulworkers that feel the call to assist, but can't make sense of it.
To be present with what can't be explained by the mind, only felt on a deeper heart- or soul level, is an act of kindness to ourselves and the world around us.
After years of having thoughts like 'Is just moving energy enough?' and 'shouldn't I be offering more than just what comes through?', I am just in the last 6 months discovering 'enoughness' of my soul gift bit by bit.
Trusting that what happens in the moment, is enough.
That what comes through, is enough.
That silence, is enough.
That vagueness even, can be enough.
That this other-dimensional movement and language that comes through and is gas to the fire of my ego sometimes, IS enough.
Is it 'working'?
And detaching from any outcome is essential.
A part of me hopes for fireworks, for AHA-moments immediately, for sudden re-awakening.
And with this powerful but subtle soulwork that does happen at times. But also often people need time to tune into the message, to get used to the influx of energy they just allowed in.
All of us need our own amount of time to walk the path of learning to love, accept, and remember parts of us that we, or those around us, have rejected in the path.
To come fully into our human experience and all it entails. To connect our spirituality to that very raw experience.
My humanness is not apart from my spirituality
So this is really a letter to my own Self (and you are listening in). A letter that is telling me to embrace my humanness. My doubts. My waves of uncertainty. Being human and having the capability to feel love, doubt, anger, unworthiness, worthiness, despair, hope, wonder and curiousity does NOT interfere with the work I do as a soul intuitive. Oh no. It ADDS to it. It is the wholeness that is the magic.
This message is for me (and you) to provide loving presence to that part of me that doubts if she is not going crazy when she sees colours bursting out of people, and seeing light coming through her hands with her eyes wide open.
To provide acceptance to that part that sometimes feels she is not making sense to others when she is doing an intuitive reading.
To provide a holding hand to the Maiden that is scared she might be rejected when she fully steps into her soulgift.
And to howl at the moon with She Who Knows within me.
To feed the fire of the Priestess within me.
To call forward my Deeper Self to speak, move, sing, and see unapologetically.
I might need to hear this message a thousand more times. And that is totally fine.